Author: Parsley Adams – Editor-in-Chief.
It was during Sharon Jenkin’s hens night celebrations that Crystal Wentworth’s (28) evening took a turn for the worst. Sources say that on her 6th glass of Bitch Diesel, she began to feel woozy, unable to suck one more drop of the good stuff through her penis straw.
It is alleged that Crystal stumbled into the disabled bathrooms and subsequently ‘spewed up a lung’ and spent the rest of the evening clinging to the porcelain throne.
“As soon as Shaz ordered that fourth bottle of Sav Blanc, it was all over” said Crystal, hindsight washing over her.
“I think it was somewhere in between the 6 of us shrieking and ‘woo-ing’ shrilly, and the surprise male stripper turkey slapping my friend Margaret, that I noticed I’d had a few too many”.
“I’m never touching that shit again” she added, whilst pulling silly string from her hair extensions.
Bar owner, Mark Young, claims that the girls collectively drank enough booze to “kill Keith Richards”, and states that the clean up was “gruelling to say the least”.
“They rocked up at about 7.30 for ‘pre’s’ and some tapas, and ended up driving most of the diners away – I won’t even try to describe people’s reactions when that bloody gigolo rocked up” said Mark, eyes shadowed from a night spent cleaning up glitter from the bar room floor.
“The Government ought to put a warning label on the bottle, that stuff is hazardous” he finished.
Witnesses allege that the 6 women were forcibly escorted from the premises, with one girl shouting “get your fuckin’ hands off me, ya filthy animal” during.
The Shallot would like to take this opportunity to remind you to drink responsibly, especially when downing the Bundaberg Rum of vino.