Author: Parsley Adams – Editor-in-Chief.
Milton Agnew (28), high school teacher and caucasian male, has decided to “check out” a new local Mexican restaurant, tossing logic, reason and the health of his bowels out the window.
He claims to have a “stomach of steel” and seems optimistic about his upcoming meal.
“I’ve always loved spicy food, and spicy food has always loved me!” he said confidently.
“I think I’m going to go ahead and order extra chilli – why the hell not?” he added, the sound of caution being thrown to the wind audible in the background.
His wife Sally, however, has her doubts, “He get’s the sweats from eating a fucking icy-pole, I don’t know what he’s thinking”.
“Last time it was Ethiopian food, and I kid you not, we had to buy a new toilet”.
“He’s so white and oblivious, and as much as I love him, I think I’m going to file for divorce if I have to smell or hear one more explosive shit” she steamed.
Milton’s daughter, Ashleigh, also informed us that Milton also suffers from acid reflux, and that no amount of Gaviscon can quell his acidic bouts.
The Shallot has been promised exclusive access to Milton’s upcoming bowel movements.