Author: Parsely Adams: Editor-in-Chief.
Today is a sad day for Australia – the day that freedom died. The beloved Ghost Drop has been yanked from canteens across the nation, by the Nazi Naked Chef himself, Jamie Oliver. This brash move has resulted in mass rioting, from not only current students, but millennial’s who just now felt a potent pang of nostalgia, and will hopefully march with their peers against this injustice.
Although his whereabouts are still unknown, a leaked recording of Oliver was passed onto the Shallot, with the lispy’ Chef rambling and ranting, “innit, innit, innit?” as well as “beautiful and fresh from the market!” – one could only assume the man is in a state of shock.
Another source has revealed that Jamie’s prized Vespa has been publicly crucified and burned.
“This isn’t America, you can’t just roll into Oz and take our fucking Ghost Drops – whats next, pizza rounders? Utter madness,” said riot attendee, Kelly Roe.
“I don’t care if they taste like medicine, they’re more Australian than the Kangaroo and I’ll be damned if I let that twat anywhere near them” she added.
Celebrity Chef, Jamie Oliver is well known for attempting to elevate the standards of dozens of canteens across the world, and was apparently “just trying to help” when he announced that Ghost Drops were “Just too sugary, innit?” during the latest season Food Revolution.
Prime Minister, Malcom Turnbull, attempted to calm the situation and reduce rioting with a heartfelt speech – however due to his lack of spine was not able to do so.
The Shallot will continue to report on this terrifying situation, as-it-happens.