Author: Parsley Adams – Editor-in-Chief
Tragedy struck the predominantly white suburb of Maroubra yesterday afternoon as local electrician and father of three, Timothy King, was charged with the 1st degree murder of his BBQ guest and neighbour Bill ‘Kenny’ Kenneth.
Witnesses allege that Timothy stabbed Bill in the neck with a pair of tongs after Bill attempted to turn the sausages, despite Tim’s numerous declinations of Bills offers to help “Cook up a storm”.
“It all happened so fast – everything seemed totally normal, and then suddenly Bill was writhing on the ground with a pair of tongs shoved into his jugular” said fellow guest and sausage enthusiast, Marie Scott.
It is reported that Tim whispered into Bill’s ear moments before taking his life “Nobody touches my Meat Cylinders But Me”.
Timothy King is facing a sentence of up to 10 years for this heinous crime, however local Silk, Charles Waterstreet “reckons he could probably get it down to 6”.
“This isn’t the first case of an annoying neighbour attempting to undermine a Dad at his own BBQ, I’m looking forward to lifting the lid on this one” he added in his native goblin tongue.
More to follow.