Lifeless Body Of Defeated Hospo Worker Found In Cool Room

"That’s the third one this week”

Author: Parsley Adams – Editor-in-Chief.

This morning, at a restaurant near you, the remains of hospitality worker, John Stace, were found in the corner of the kitchen cool room, perched just below a box of micro herbs and adjacent to a bucket of brined chicken. It is alleged that he took so long to remember why, and what he was there for, that he simply sat down, gave up and froze to death.

Witnesses allege that Executive Chef, Chris Jackson, sent John to fetch some pre-cooked fettuccine from the cool room during a busy Sunday lunch service – little did John know, it would ultimately become his chilly tomb.

“The whole kitchen could hear him pacing heavily, we all knew that he’d completely forgotten what he’d gone into the cool room to get” said Chris, anxiously.

“Then, it was as silent as a crypt – bit ironic really” he added, a defiant hint of humour in his voice.

“I can’t keep going through team members like this” Chef Jackson pleaded “We need answers, I mean I know I have to cut staff for the winter, but this is not what I had in mind”.

Prominent NSW Detective, Alexander Chase, has been assigned to the case following a recent spate in cool room related deaths.

“Now I can’t say much at this point but we do have two running theories” said the detective, barely visible through a shroud of cigarette smoke.

“One is that low temperatures, for whatever reason, cause temporary dementia. Symptoms include pacing, muttering to oneself about ‘what the fuck they came in here for’ and eventually immense confusion, which has, in some cases, led to the untimely death of brave and valiant hospo workers across the country” he furthered, the low hum of a Miles Davis record barely audible in his cramped noir office.

“The other is ‘ghosts’. It could just be your run of the mill fuckin’ haunting” he added in between slow and deep sips of Lagavulin ‘16. “I don’t know, I’m not an Exorcist, maybe you Chefs could burn some bloody sage or something – couldn’t hurt to try”.

Alex paused for a moment to light up another smoke, listen to the heavy rain outside and run his fingers around the rim of his scotch glass, pensively.

“We will figure out what is going on here – coincidence isn’t a word I’m familiar with” Alex added, as he excused himself to take an important call on his rotary dial telephone.

The Shallot, Detective Alexander Chase and the NSW Police Force urge anyone who has any information on this mystifying issue to come forward.

More to follow.

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