Author: Herbert ‘Herb’ Greengate – Editor-at-Large.
A Gen-Y waitress has been left baffled at the sight of a wine bottle that doesn’t open like a bottle of soft drink. Witnesses state that waitress, Tamika Renshaw, stood rooted in fear after realising she couldn’t get the bottle open – even after using a tea towel wrapped around her hand.
After being informed that before bottles twisted open, winemakers used cork, Tamika was taken aback “So you’re telling me that people used to stuff a bit of wood into the bottle to keep the wine fresh? Crazy stuff,” said the Gen-Y’er and ‘avo on toast’ devotee. “If I can’t even twist the top off some normal bottles, how am I supposed to pull out this cork shit?”.
Tamika was left sufficiently red-faced when baby-boomer patron, Clive Newton, 64, on a condescending high fuelled by a cocktail of blood pressure tablets and Boags Premium, unleashed a tirade of condescension as the bottle imported Fiano remained unopened.
“Go in the back and get the corkscrew and when you get back I’ll give you a masterclass darling” he scorned in between loud chews of complimentary sourdough “I’ve seen some shit in my time: Y2K, Kevin Rudd and even the retirement of Ray Martin, but this is a new low”.
After jimmying the bottle open, Clive continue to make a scene, chastising Tamika to anyone within earshot.
“Utterly ridiculous” he continued, “she just stared at the bloody thing”.
“Bet she can’t fill out a tax return either – typical Gen-Y”.
Corkage on the bill was waived for Clive and Kathy, as a show of good faith from the establishment, although Tamika was unamused when she was ringing up the bill, as under ‘Tip’ Clive had written ‘Learn more about wine’.
More to come.
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