Author: Herbert ‘Herb’ Greengate – Editor-at-Large.
The critically acclaimed and hatted establishment, Monopole, in Sydney’s affluent Potts Point, was the site of a once in a lifetime occurrence this week as a pair of Tasmanian diners used their knife and fork correctly – for the first time in documented history.
Fred Doig from Launceston with his partner, Jennifer, had decided to splash some Tasmanian cash on a bit of ‘fancy grub’ during their recent trip ‘to the big smoke’. Upon booking a table at the Potts Point establishment, they took it upon themselves to immediately inform the front of house staff that they were traveling from ‘down south’.
“I was of course extremely concerned” gasped the waitress who took the booking, Chloe, “We didn’t have a spare table out the back to ensure their separation from our Australian customers”.
With Fred wearing his finest Jack Daniels racing button up and Jennifer gracefully clad in Louis Vuitton print jeggings, they had the dining room captivated.
“I thought to myself ‘oh here we go’,’’ said Brent Savage, Chef and Owner of Monopole.
“My blood ran colder than an evening in Hobart when they asked if we had any tomato sauce on hand,” he added.
“There’s a reason Tasmania isn’t attached to Australia: the great Maitre’D in the sky cut them off for being total fucking animals – but this experience has made me question it all”.
Despite their uncouth appearance and lack of decorum, the overall feedback from those present for the evening’s showing, was that it was “actually very civilised” and both Jenny and Fred were able to clasp the utensils provided with ease.
“I was worried for a moment there: I’ve seen a Tasmanian eat before, and it scarred me for life” an anonymous and cautious onlooker touted.
“I thought I would see a unicorn before witnessing a Tassie eat properly: I was utterly mystified by it all,” she added.
However, not everyone is happy to have Tasmanians dine in their venues, with The Fish Shop Chef, Jeremy Strode, throwing his 2 cents in “Not welcome, Never, Nup, No Way”.
Brent Savage told us that he would welcome a Tasmanian to Monopole again, and he even went as far as to compliment them, “The bloke managed to not spill any of his meal on his shirt, lick his fingers or talk about livestock for the entire meal,” Brett continued.
When quizzed about their correct usage of cutlery, Brett had this to say “It was a superb showing from start to finish, the bloke especially really looked like he knew what he was doing; but my hat goes off to them both”.