Author: Parsley Adams – Editor-in-Chief.
Sources have confirmed that local Chef, Daz (26), cannot stop crying out “Behind!” literally everywhere he goes. Be it a supermarket, shopping centre, walking down the street or even in his own home, Daz cannot rid himself of his affliction.
“I’m starting to feel like a bit of a leper” said Daz, wringing his hands.
“I’ll go to nip through the aisle at the supermarket and if the person next to me starts to move, it just happens, like some sort of nervous tic” he continued, sweat pouring from his brow.
“I’m so fucking sick of all the weird looks I get – I can’t help it!”
We paused the interview as Daz sobbed into his apron for a moment. After a few darts, an episode of ‘Boiling Point’ and a VB, he was ready to continue:
“It has even been affecting my sex life: I was shagging the misso doggy style the other day and before I could stop myself I was yelling out ‘behind’ and she turned around and was like ‘yeah I know, loser’ – I don’t deserve to live!” he lamented.
The Shallot’s thoughts and prayers are with this man in ruin and we will be looking into this affliction that seems to be sweeping this great nation.
(Image Source: Shutterstock)