Author: Parsley Adams – Editor-in-Chief.
Geoff Harvey is about three hours away from a night out with the lads. For most, knock off at 5.00pm means freedom, loosened ties and a drop of the good stuff. However, Geoff has a terrible secret: he doesn’t like beer.
For him, a regular night out includes being hailed a poof, an apple shagger and even, when they’re feeling rowdy – a ‘silly cider sissy’.
“I’m really not looking forward to tonight,” said Geoff, local non-beer drinker. “I reckon I’m gonna get pegged for the whole evening”.
Geoff’s affliction began for him at the tender age of 15 when his mate Daz handed him a Super Dry at a party – a beverage he immediately disliked.
“It tasted like cat piss – at first I just thought it was the Hahn, I soon realised that all beer tasted like donkey sweat”.
Despite being utterly destroyed by the boys on a regular basis, with comparisons to Adolf Hitler and ‘Magda Szubanski’s Pubes’, Geoff is resolved in his decision to continue drinking cider.
“I like to get loose as much as the next bloke, but there’s something about beer that gives me the upset tummy wumsies” added the lame duck of a man.
We approached one of Geoff’s mates, Jimbo, who had this to say “It’s just embarrassing when he orders a round – not to mention the chicks start to disappear faster than a toupee in a hurricane”.
“I think tonight we’re just gonna give him a fuckin’ wedgie if he orders one – which he will cos he’s a bloody wuss” Jimbo guffawed.
The Shallot will be checking in with Geoff as the evening progresses.
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