Author: Parsley Adams – Editor-in-Chief, with Dill Dillinger – Resident Intern Wrangler.
The Shallot spoke with one of your prick mates who woke up feeling fresh as a daisy on NYD last year, to get the inside scoop on avoiding a New Year’s Day hangover:
- Don’t start drinking too early: one of the biggest mistakes anyone can make is to get on the piss too soon. What I like to do is start drinking at about 11.00pm. That way I’ve got a sweet, sweet buzz on, come countdown, without the morning misery.
- Mix and blitz! I love a good beer as much as the next bloke, but the NYD hangover is rarely worth it. Try substituting ½ your beer with lemonade – it makes for a fizzy, tasty treat that even the toughest of dudes can enjoy.
- Chugging’s for losers: pretty frequently, a quick schooner turns into a raucous chorus of “He’s a pisspot through and through…” – only losers do this. If you feel pressured, just start crying and leave. You may have lost their respect but you’ll have evaded the dusty reaper.
- Hip flask hint: instead of whisky or vodka, keep a sneaky container of good ol’ fashioned H20 in your back pocket, just in case.
- Do heaps of lines: settle down, it’s not what you think. Crush a few Berocca’s into a sappy bag. On the hour, duck into the toilet’s for a quick hit of vitamins and minerals.
- Always come through when it’s your round: instead of booze, try bringing over a tray of delicious pub squash. If anyone kicks up a fuss, tell them it is full of vodka – they won’t know the difference and you’ll be an unsung hero.
- Garnishes matter: instead of lime in your half strength G&T, ask for iceberg lettuce – it’s a hydration miracle plant.
- Get an early start: a lot of people sleep in on NYD, but they’re idiots. Wake up with the sun and go for a long hike – just remember to wake up your housemates before you leave and offer them a green smoothie – they’ll love you for it.
- Junk food is a no-no: it’s tempting to hit McDonald’s or KFC for a late night feast, but doing this will just dehydrate you. Instead, take a stroll through your local park and forage for berries – it’s great exercise and a beautiful past-time.
- Fun with pamphlets: be sure to mock up an informative brochure on keeping hydrated. Pass them onto your mates so that they are aware of the dangers of binge drinking – it’s a sure fire way of maintaining your ‘life of the party’ status. Who knows, you may even save one of them from a regrettable hook up or sidewalk poo.